How to Reconnect With an Old Contact the Right Way

You met someone useful at an internship, a class or a conference, meant to stay in touch, and then a year went by. Now you want to reconnect with an old contact, maybe because you are job hunting, and every message you draft sounds either fake or needy.

The silence feels bigger to you than it does to them. Most professionals have dozens of contacts they have not spoken to in years, and a short, honest note is usually received warmly. The trick is to make the message easy to reply to and to avoid turning it into a favour on the first line.

Why a long gap is less awkward than you think

Research on so called dormant ties suggests that people you have lost touch with are often more useful than your current close contacts. They have moved into new roles, met new people and picked up information you do not already have. They also tend to remember you more fondly than you expect, especially if your last interaction was positive.

From their side, a message after 18 months is not strange. Careers are long and people drift. What makes it uncomfortable is a message that ignores the gap entirely or jumps straight to a request. Acknowledge the time, give a reason for writing, and keep it light.

How to reconnect with an old contact in four steps

1. Find a genuine hook. Look at their recent activity first. A new job, a promotion, a post they wrote, a project their company launched. Even a shared memory works: the intern project you both worked on, a talk they gave.
2. Write a short opening message. Three to five sentences is the right size. More than that reads like a cover letter.
3. Offer something or ask a small question. Share an article, congratulate them, or ask one specific question they can answer in a minute.
4. Leave the bigger ask for later. If you want advice, an introduction or a referral, save it for the second or third exchange, once the conversation is warm again.

Time it well. Tuesday to Thursday mornings tend to get faster replies than Monday mornings, when inboxes are full, or Friday afternoons, when people are wrapping up.

Message templates you can adapt

These are starting points, not scripts. Change the details so they sound like you.

After an internship:

Hi Priya, I hope you are well. It has been a while since our summer on the analytics team. I saw you moved to the product side at your company, congratulations. I am finishing my final year now and still use the SQL tips you showed me. Would love to hear how the new role is going.

After a conference or event:

Hi Daniel, we met at the careers fair in March last year and talked about your switch from consulting to sustainability work. I just read your post on supplier audits and found the point about small vendors really useful. How has the past year been?

With a former manager:

Hi Sarah, it has been almost two years since I finished my internship with your team, and I realised I never properly updated you. I am now a junior analyst at a logistics firm, and a lot of what you taught me about weekly reporting has carried over. I hope things are going well with you and the team.

Notice what none of these do. They do not apologise at length, they do not say "I know it has been forever, sorry", and they do not attach a CV.

The common advice I disagree with

Many networking guides say you should never reach out only when you need something, and that if you have not kept in touch, you have missed your chance. That rule sounds principled but it stops people from reconnecting at all.

Needing help is a normal reason to get back in touch. Most people are glad to be asked for advice, as long as it is clear you value them as a person and not only as a door. The honest approach is better than inventing a fake pretext. If you are job hunting, it is fine to say so once the conversation is going: "I am starting to look at roles in marketing analytics and would value 15 minutes of your perspective." For a closer look at that step, our guide on how to ask for a job referral covers phrasing that respects the other person's time.

What I would avoid is hiding the ask until the fourth message. That can feel manipulative when it finally appears. Open warmly, then be direct within one or two replies.

What to do after they reply

A reply is the start, not the finish. Answer within a day or two, ask a follow up question about what they shared, and if it feels natural, suggest a short call or coffee. Keep the call to 20 to 30 minutes and arrive with two or three questions ready.

After the conversation, send a thank you note within 24 hours that mentions one specific thing you learned. The approach in following up after a coffee chat without sounding desperate applies here too.

Then put a reminder in your calendar for three or four months later. A short update then, such as "I took your advice and joined the data society, it has been great", keeps the tie alive and makes the next gap much smaller.

If they do not reply

Silence is common and rarely personal. People miss messages, change jobs or simply get busy. Wait about ten days, then send one short nudge: "Just bringing this back to the top of your inbox, no pressure at all." If there is still no reply, let it go and try again in six months with a new hook.

Keep a simple list of 15 to 20 people you would like to stay in contact with. It can be a spreadsheet with name, where you met, last contact date and one note. Check it once a month. This is the same habit that helps when staying in touch with your intern cohort after the programme ends.

Frequently asked questions

How do you reconnect with someone you have not talked to in years?

Send a short message that acknowledges the gap, mentions how you know each other, and gives a genuine reason for writing, such as their new role or something they posted. Keep it to a few sentences and end with an easy question. Save any request until they have replied.

Is it rude to reach out only when you need a job?

No, as long as you are honest and respectful of their time. Open with a warm, personal note, then explain what you are looking for once the conversation is going. Most people are happy to help someone who asks clearly and thanks them properly.

Should you reconnect on LinkedIn or by email?

Use whichever channel you used before, or the one they seem most active on. LinkedIn works well if they post or update their profile often. Email is better for former managers or anyone who rarely checks social platforms.